Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Fuzzy Brained--Is This Forever?

If you know me at all, or even look at my profile picture, you know that I am not a spring chicken. I am, in fact, past the half century mark. And I have to say that in the last few months, I don't think it has ever been harder to focus on writing for the FaithWriter's Writing Challenge. It used to be that my stories flowed from my fingers...easy peasy. I only had to carve out an hour or two to get a good, and sometimes, even pretty good, story into Microsoft Word. But now...ugh.

There seems to be a foggy curtain that has been hung across the part of my brain that is inspired to write those lively and challenging stories. I try to pull the curtain back once in a while to get a glimpse of that pristine area of my brain that so easily whirled and clicked a few months ago. But even lifting the curtain is too much for me. My feeble brain cells are too weak to lift a veil that appears to be made of lead.

I think it is my age. I am at that point of no return for females where the body begins its inevitable morphing into the non-mother mode. That time of life when we "change". I remember as a girl hearing older women talk about "the change" and it seemed so wonderfully mysterious; like women were becoming another sort of exotic and wild species right before my eyes.

Well, I'm here to tell you that there is nothing mysterious or exotic about it at all! It is nothing but a body winding down and gears becoming loose and brain cells becoming very very lethargic. Activity is a foreign word. Exercise is as simple as getting off the couch and trudging to the bathroom. Oh, that hallway looks mighty long sometimes!

Just a couple of years ago, I was ecstatic that I was "changing". I felt good! I felt free! I felt like I had licked the Big M with one arm tied behind my back. But then, just when I was least expecting it, wham! The Big M showed me her muscles and I was whipped in one fell swoop. Pitiful.

I have heard that better days are coming....the fog WILL lift...the body will finish its morph...the woman will come forth whole and well. Gee, I sure hope so.

In the meantime, I stumble through the fog and attempt to peer through dimly lit veils. I want my brain back--without lists and post-it notes and calendars firmly attached. I want to write freely again, and more than that, I want to write with a frolicking spirit! Now that would be something--a bonus that I feel I'm owed after wading through this war zone of The Change. Stay tuned: I'll be sure to tell you when that happens. I'd better write that down, so I'll remember to let you know.


Joanne Sher said...

Oh, Dee. I can't tell you anything to encourage you. Praying (and giggling - I hope you don't mind TOO much!).

Are you telling me I shouldn't be looking forward to "The Change??" hehe

Lynda Schultz said...

Not to worry, Dee, there is life after "the change." I'm pushing 60 and since I finally got over the "hump," life has been great. Hang in there. I know what you are feeling, and like all feelings, they are subject to change given the right amount of time.

Loved the post.

Bryan said...

hey dee,
do you have any posts about writing short stories? i have never done that before but was wanting to give it a go. I'm writing a mystery novel but wanted to try and get a short story published to build my portfolio. Any suggestions? thanks

ps. thanks for your kind comments on my blog. ;)

Sherri Ward said...

Dee, well, gee, sigh, wish I just didn't understand this one, not one little bit! But hang in there. Lately I've found inspiration to write returning when I least expect it! I try to take advantage of it because I've no clue how long it will last!

Andrea said...

I have not made it quite to the half century mark and I, too find myself in a fog. I hope the fog is lifted soon in both our lives.

Bryan said...

thank you soo much. I will check it out sometime. That sounds great to me. Thanks again.


Seema said...

((Hug)). Thanks for a glimpse into your thoughts and for giving me something to look forward to. ;-)

Pat Guy said...

Oh, too funny Dee! That is so me, but I never could whip out a challenge in a matter of hours--never! Post-its have always been a part of my life. (3-5's, really) So I can't tell you when the fog will lift but I'm so glad to hear you are going through the same as I. (tehe-misery loves company, huh?) At least now I know I'm not toooo weird.
And I couldn't find an email to send you mine so I'll give it to you here...
Now you have me curious.

Hugs to you,

dandelionfleur said...

I'm moving in that direction with my heels digging trenches in the path before me. I can't afford to lose ANY of my brain power--I started off with so little.

Thanks for making me laugh about it nonetheless. Going through experiences together makes it so much easier.

Bryan said...

Hey Dee,
I am officially a contributing member of Faith Writer's Challenge! I just joined and got my story in before deadline. I'll hope for the best. Have you ever won?


Bryan said...

I entered in the intermediate category. I dont know if that was right or not but I have had a thing or two published before.

Verna Cole Mitchell said...

Foggy, foggy days....Oh dear Friend, this, too, shall pass. I hate to tell you though that while your creative juices will flow again, you'll want to keep the post-its handy.;-)