Friday, April 30, 2010

What Is WRONG With Me?

I don't know if I have true writer's block, but I have something wrong with me. There's a heavy fog settled over the writing part of my brain. Nothing goes in and nothing comes out. Can you tell?

I haven't written much on my blog or anywhere else for that matter. I'm doing okay with editing my novel, but that's about it.

So...have you experienced this kind of writing drought before? What did you do to get over the block? I think I need to make myself DO something...but I have no idea what...and if I did know, I'm not sure I could DO it. I'm open to suggestions!

In the mean time, I might go read some blogs...another long neglected activity...but that's another problem for another day.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


A bunch of random things are rolling around in my head. It's a been a couple of busy weeks at my house. Here's a few of my random thoughts:

Facebook is wonderful for reuniting old friendships! I "found" a couple of old friends from my single years and it was a happy surprise to get to visit with them again. I can't wait to renew our ties--even if it is just on the pages of Facebook.

I hosted a bridal shower for my adopted ex-Amish daughter, Rachel. It was fun! Many of the attendees were also ex-Amish and it was interesting to notice the way they interact and the way they have a naive expectation about all English events. They don't always know exactly what will happen, but they always laugh and have fun. Ladies can, when they get together, really let down their hair when they want to.

I get upset when my friends and family get taken in by medical quackery. I think it just happened to some of my friends. Just so you know: "Iridology" is not a recognized science, and once you understand how the body works, and that the iris DOES NOT CHANGE, you will know that it is IMPOSSIBLE to read people's illnesses by mapping the iris. Impossible!

I have been editing my Amish novel. It is slow going since I have a: gotten bogged down in the process, and b: gotten bored with my own writing. Many knowledgeable writers and editors have assured me this is "normal". But what a bummer. I took a week off last week and am back at it again. I did well last night and managed to wrestle edits out of 1 1/2 chapters. Onward!

Spring has truly sprung in Ohio and the daffodils are strutting their stuff. It is beautiful. I love that fresh renewed smell in the world outside my window right now!

There are many other random thoughts still in my head, but I have to get myself back to work. Until the next time: Happy Spring!

Friday, April 2, 2010

I Know How You Feel

One day, when my late husband was drawing closer and closer to death, I was watching him and our son playing in the living room. Our little boy was just shy of three year's old, and he was oblivious to the inevitable future without his daddy. But I was seeing their play and hearing their laughter and watching my once healthy husband stretch out skinny arms to hold his son.

Suddenly, tears came and I had to work hard to choke back a long, heart-rending sob. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't sit by and watch this cruel destruction of our once happy family. I hurried from the room to hide my over-whelming emotions from both of them. I didn't want to ruin their most precious moment. Who knew, after all, how many fun moments were left?

I went to the bedroom I shared with this wonderful husband and father and began to make the bed. I struggled to control myself, but halfway around the bed, an enormous weakness hit me at the knees and I sank to the floor. I pressed my face into the blankets to keep my cries from reaching the living room and I finally let my fears and anger out to God.

I cried over and over again "Why, Lord? I see You're going to take Jim home soon. But why? Why destroy me and my son? Don't You know how much this will hurt my little boy? Don't You know how much You're tearing my heart out? Why?" The dam broke and all the repressed emotions rushed to the surface. My heart broke in two. My spirit and courage flagged and I was a spent being.

And then, He spoke to my heart.

"Dee, I know how you feel. I know. I gave up my own Son so that you will see Jim again someday. I gave Him up so you will never say good-bye to your loved ones again."

He reminded me that His heart broke in two the day he turned His back on His own Son. The day He let His Son know sin. The day the veil was torn and all of humanity was set free for the asking. The day His Son bled. Cried. Pleaded for mercy. The day humanity mocked and flogged and pierced His Son's frail flesh. In that moment, I knew He knew my pain. That moment changed me.

Today we remember Christ's sacrifice. Today we say thank you. Today we remember that our Father knows...He knows...and He understands.

When you were stuck in your old sin-dead life, you were incapable of responding to God. God brought you alive—right along with Christ! Think of it! All sins forgiven, the slate wiped clean, that old arrest warrant canceled and nailed to Christ's cross. Colossians 2:14 The Message